Today's blog comes with a few forewarnings and precautions. First, it is about some very emotional, and personal situations occurring in my currently. So be warned it is pretty raw and honest. Second, I do talk about feeling suicidal, but please no one panic. I am okay, and not planning on acting, just expressing my pain.
Those of us who deal with depression and mental illness knows what it's like to feel alone. We all know what it feels like to feel misunderstood. And we all know that stress, or life challenges can make it especially hard to deal with your already distorted thoughts and overwhelming sadness.
I recently experienced a falling out with my parents and sister, that has caused a trickling down affect on my self-esteem, my marriage, my relationship with my daughter, and my relationship with my extended family. I can truly say I have never felt so down, or so alone. Below is a snippet from a conversation I had with my husband to day. My hope is that by sharing this, it helps someone else feel a little less alone and scared.
Do you have any idea how alone I feel this morning? How INCREDIBLY heartbroken I am? It is bad enough to feel rejected by my family OVER and OVER again!!! Then feeling like my husband has doesn't understand that at all.
I want to cut both my wrists open, I want to get in the car and drive at top speed with my eyes closed. So that I no long have to feel not good enough, not sane enough, not loveable or worthy of support, compassion, and empathy. I won't do any of those things, because I know nothing is forever, but that is sure as hell how I feel right now!
Those of us who deal with depression and mental illness knows what it's like to feel alone. We all know what it feels like to feel misunderstood. And we all know that stress, or life challenges can make it especially hard to deal with your already distorted thoughts and overwhelming sadness.
I recently experienced a falling out with my parents and sister, that has caused a trickling down affect on my self-esteem, my marriage, my relationship with my daughter, and my relationship with my extended family. I can truly say I have never felt so down, or so alone. Below is a snippet from a conversation I had with my husband to day. My hope is that by sharing this, it helps someone else feel a little less alone and scared.
Do you have any idea how alone I feel this morning? How INCREDIBLY heartbroken I am? It is bad enough to feel rejected by my family OVER and OVER again!!! Then feeling like my husband has doesn't understand that at all.
I want to cut both my wrists open, I want to get in the car and drive at top speed with my eyes closed. So that I no long have to feel not good enough, not sane enough, not loveable or worthy of support, compassion, and empathy. I won't do any of those things, because I know nothing is forever, but that is sure as hell how I feel right now!
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